Getting some things out off my chest.

This might be unnecessary, but I just need to get it out else I might have to have this for a long time.

Hello, i'll tell a few things about myself and why I made this thread to begin with, you don't have to read it, you may ignore it aswell, but this has been bothering me for the longest time, and it needs to get out.

My name is: Wout van der Zweep, i'm 15 years old, male, live in The Netherlands and since 2 years ago.
I've quit school.
Ever since I left school i've been a bit, depressed. this may be not the case, but sometimes I feel sad, lonely all those things. I know this sounds all redundant or weird for this, but it's just so hard for me to live like this. Quitting school was necessary for me else I may have gone sick going to school, but I feel like I made the wrong decision like that.

You may ask, "what has this to do with maplelegends" or "why should I care"
I don't know, I just don't know, I don't know why i decided to make this thread, or why you should care in the first place. But i just can't live like this, feeling like this.

I've come at an age where I need to make choices in my life, what i want to do, where i want to go, what job i'm going to do. Yet I feel like i'm just, useless not needed for this world and i feel like shit because of it.

1 year ago, i kinda made similar thread to this called "I feel kinda useless in this game" I basically said that i felt like i didn't needed to be here or i wasn't supposed to be here, i felt like i added nothing to the server, just less space for other players.

What this has to do with Maplelegends is well, I still feel the same, I still feel like i'm not supposed to be here, I still feel like people don't want me here, I feel like only my family and friends want me to live in this world, I know this isn't the case, but sometimes it's just so hard for me to realize that, I sometimes just hate myself for doing that to myself but i can't help it. I just don't know what to do about it, I feel like shit living, I feel like i'm not needed, I just feel like a nobody.
I've never considered suicide because of this though, because I didn't wanted to die, I don't know how my family would react or other people if i did that.
Because of this sometimes I just lash out, sometimes without intention, and to those I did that.
I'm sorry, i'm so so sorry, i really didn't mean it, But it's just so hard for me to comprehend all of this, my life, other's lives, what i want to do, what i don't want to do.

If the GM's sees this and thinks it shouldn't be on here, that's fine, I also think it shouldn't be here, I don't know why i made this in the first place, but I just needed it to get out.

If people read this fully, I sincerely thank you for reading, some people may think this is unnecessary, others maybe not, but if you just read it, I thank you.

I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to read.

Edit: I want to elaborate about why I quit school.
I didn't want to quit, I had to quit, I can't give you the full reason why but it was not my decision to quit school, Basic gist of it is, I literally got sick of going to school, My body couldn't keep up with all the things i had to do at school.
Ofcourse i didn't want to quit school but it was either quit school and go to an institute that deals with these sort of problems. Or needing to go to the hospital.