"Online Friends"

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by FeroxAnima, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. FeroxAnima
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    FeroxAnima Red Snail

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    Hi guys!

    This post is basically a thought(/emotion) spill and is more like a diary entry than anything else; or in other words, this is probably going to be a tl;dr with no much relevance to anyone but myself. Feel free to read, however. I do write this for myself, but will probably be happy to know somebody out there did read this, if I'm being honest.

    So I've been spending the past day with the feeling of a hole inside my chest, seemingly sharing the air with my lungs, making my breathing heavy. This feeling started after a sepcific event that occurred yesterday and that I've already experienced a bunch of times in the past; each of those remains in my memories like a scar.

    This section is going to be super long because it's a spill of feelz-loaded past memories and I'm feeling pretty emotional right now.

    The first took place about a decade ago; my best MS friend had been spending lots of money on NX cash, and had at some point come to the realization that he couldn't bear to spend any more money on this game - and also that he was addicted and couldn't control himself.
    The moment he realized this, he removed MS from his computer before he had the chance to change his mind. We were in different time zones so it wasn't surprising that I wasn't online when this happened, and he left me a message through another mutual friend; he asked her to tell me that he's very sorry he couldn't say goodbye himself and that it was simply too urgent to postpone.
    So, just like that, he was gone. We used to spend hours every day for months and I never even got to say goodbye in the end.

    The second took place a few years later; about five or six years ago, by my estimation. The focus here is another friend to whom I got really attached. We used to spend many hours playing together, but I was, again, in a different time zone to that of hers - except this time it was radically different, i.e the most convenient time for her to log on was a time when I was usually fast asleep with half a night behind me; I was also still at school at the time (and I'm a nerd and there's also mom) so it was problematic for me to pull all-nighters every day. I did my best to hop on my PC at mornings before school to say hi, but aside from that, we only had a scattered few weekly hours to spend together...
    Except for Fridays. See, Fridays were special for me - my mom and sister both knew that Fridays were my time alone, in which I didn't have to make any sort of social interaction with anyone; it was the weekly time in which my privacy was completely respected with no one coming into my room. My mom probably thought I was having a weekly porn field trip or something but the real reason I wanted these times alone was that they were the times I spent with that friend. I'd stay up all night in Friday and we'd just hang and talk and do silly stuff, a whole night's worth of time without a moment's break. It was amazing. Those were those special moments of the week in which I felt like I was recharging after an entire week of being gradually drained out. (Not intending to sound emo, haha. Everything was fine, I just... need a break sometimes, you know.)
    At some point, we both got massively tired of MS and started talking about moving together to another game. It's also been a while that I've had this burning sensation in my stomach, yelling at me to ask her for her Facebook or E-mail or anything, so that if something should happen, we could still at least keep in touch; but, meh, just what kind of creep am I to be asking fellow MS players for their E-mail? So I didn't, and just figured that when we'd migrate together to another game, we'll have to find some way to communicate, so it'll happen naturally.
    And for a month or two, during our weekly time on Fridays, we'd meet and hardly do anything game-related - we'd just mostly talk about which game we'd move to but never actually made a choice. She told me that the only reason she logged on was to talk to me and that she was totally tired of that game - and it was the same for me, as well. All that while, the burning sensation never left my stomach, but I buried it, kept telling myself that she wouldn't just leave without telling me.
    I don't think I could've made it more obvious with that prologue that she did, eventually. One Friday she just didn't log in. The burning sensation turned into a jumble of negativity - fear, anxiousness, self-loathing and self-anger - why couldn't I just ask for an E-mail? What would I have had to lose? She could just say "no", if it was too weird. But it was too late at that point.
    For a few months after that I kept logging on every Friday and just sort of AFKing while throwing occasional looks specifically to see if she'd maybe log on. I pulled all-nighters just for the faint chance she might decide to log on again.
    At some point, a few months later, I stopped logging on and instead just opted to check her characters on the rankings occasionally to see if she's made any progress on any of them. I figured it'd fade after a few months, this terrible anger at myself for not taking steps to advance our MapleStory friendship into simply an online friendship, but... it didn't really fade, and I kept checking the rankings.
    And hey, guess what... After a little more than a year, the EXP did increase ever so slightly on one of her characters. I immediately redownloaded the game and restarted my all-nighters routine - and sure enough, after a few days, I managed to catch her online. We immediately said hi and both seemed very excited and also added each other on Steam (which was basically that shift I mentioned before that I wanted to make, from being MapleStory friends to being online friends in general), but... it was too late. I really tried to spark the same kind of conversations we used to have but it just wasn't like that anymore. We were mostly strangers at that point.
    She didn't have an idea that I kept trying to find her for all this time, and eventually, when I realized our old friendship was beyond salvage, I decided that I had nothing to lose - and wrote her a letter detailing all of this^ (except a bit shorter, more personal and written in the form of a letter). We've talked a few times after that and it's nice to know that I have some method of saying hi to her if I ever want to, but... I don't really have anything to say. We're no longer the friends we used to be, and I still feel great regret for letting our past friendship go to waste - because I truly believe I could have saved it.
    To this day, I still have this tradition of pulling an all-nighter on Fridays just reading, playing, writing - doing whatever I feel like doing to "recharge"; but it all started with her, and I never forget those Fridays.

    The third happened here, on this server, yesterday. She was probably the person I enjoyed talking to the most on my buddy list. Such an awesome person. I didn't know her for nearly as long as I did those two previous friends, but I felt like we were both happy to know each other, both initiating conversations, both throwing excited greetings as the other logged on...
    And then, one ordinary day she says that she's gonna train and get HS and that we'll talk soon, and literally the next day, I log on - and a mutual friend messages me to say that she asked him to tell me goodbye and that she decided to quit the game. I tried to leave her a CS note but the IGN was incorrect - which also led me to realize that she was no longer on my BL or the rankings; she had deleted her character altogether.
    I don't really know what's been happening behind the curtains to lead her to do this, but... I wish I could tell her that I hope that whatever's happening, she'll be okay; to tell her she could talk to me if she felt like it, whenever. And even more than that, I just wish I could have the chance to say goodbye, to get some kind of closure. This one is still fresh... I feel like crying just thinking about it.
    At some point we've had this conversation in which she was asking me some questions about my life and I was happy to answer. By the end of it I told her I had many questions to ask her as well, but wasn't sure if they'd maybe be too prying and was therefore kind of hesitant to ask them. She told me that was a silly worry considering she was doing just that to me, asking potentially-prying questions, and that she took the assumption that if she were to ask a question that was too personal, I'd say so; and she told me that the same should be if it were the other way around. The conversation was cut short, however, and we didn't get to complete it - but I decided to make an actual, physical list of the things I wanted to ask her and didn't get to so that I could get around to it the next time we speak. I'm weird like that, yeah; I like my lists.
    But that sequel-conversation never happened. So now I have this list full of unanswered questions for her; questions that will probably never be answered, but will never truly leave the back of my mind, either.

    tl;dr of that spoiler section: a friend had just quit and left me a "sorry but bye" through a mutual friend and this isn't the first time that's happened to me; detailed three of the most painful memories I have of such situations, including this one. I probably sounded like a crybaby throughout it all, and also probably am, but I was being completely honest.

    It might just be that I'm overly naïve or innocent or sensitive or that I get attached to people (way) too easily (and all of those probably are, indeed, ways in which I'd describe myself), but that I never got to physically speak to a specific person does not make me feel like said person is not a real human being. Contrariwise, I feel like that person is a human being just like me, sitting behind a computer screen, communicating and sharing thoughts and moments and memories - through keyboard strokes, yes, but sharing them nonetheless.
    Just like how I'd feel heartbroken if a "real life" friend decided to disappear from my life without saying goodbye, I feel heartbroken when a "virtual" friend does it. I do appreciate that they left me a message through a mutual friend (in some of those cases, at least), but what if I had something to say? What if I wanted to say goodbye?

    I could never use the term "real life friend" or "virtual friend" without feeling a slight (or not-so-slight, really) sting in my heart; that's because I can't bring myself to make that kind of distinction. A friend is a friend. I have some amazing "real life" friends with whom I've shared so many personal moments over the years and I truly believe they'll be my friends for the far, far future. But I also have friends I've met online - some of which I was lucky enough to meet face to face, and many of which I still wasn't lucky enough to meet at this point in time - with whom I'm in touch for almost as long, and with whom I've also shared a similar volume and amount of personal moments and thoughts. If I meet an online friend in a game, and a couple of years later find myself exchanging birthday wishes on video with said friend, and a couple of years later find myself meeting that friend like any friend I've made in school - then just what is the difference between a "virtual friend" and a "real life friend"? My real life self is also my virtual self; I am me, whether I speak my mind or type it.
    But evidently, this is a sentiment and opinion that most people do not share with me - or at least, most people I met online. Because otherwise, how could such good friends just disappear one day, letting all of our time together amount to just enough regret to drive them to ask a mutual friend to say "sorry but cya"? A "real life" friend wouldn't do that to me; why does a "virtual" friend have to? Let me tell you, and also offer you an advanced apology for the coming cliche: the tears in my eyes are far from being virtual.

    And really, I do understand the fake identities dillemma - definitely not everyone is who they say they are... But I'm not going to let that get in the way of my forming new, real, actual friendships; all it really takes is some care and common sense and the worst that anyone's fake identity could lead me to experience is a broken heart, which is something I could just as well (and probably more) experience in a "real life" friendship (I do hate this term).

    A common reasoning I hear when I bring up this kind of situation is that "this is just a game". Well... it is a game played by real people. And yes, even if the identities that some people present are fake, and even if they're not exactly who they say they are, they're all still real people, with real feelings, and emotions, and thoughts; with real time dedicated to this game or to their relationships with other real people with which they communicate through it.
    And I still care about each of them with whom I had the the absolute privilege, honor, and right to spend time. And that means that I am still susceptible to feeling like I must've done something so damn wrong to lead them to leave me like that, without even enabling me the most basic of courtesies - a chance for a simple closure; a chance to say good bye.


    End of the rant. Probably terribly written but I'm not in the mood to proofread.
    I love my friends, be they "real life" or "virtual" (I have to find alternatives to those terms that won't make me frown as much). And I can't help it; I trust people I love. I just wish I didn't feel like I'm in constant danger of going through all of this all over again every single time I talk to someone online. :(
    If anybody did read any of this, thanks. You're awesome. <3

    Cya :')
     
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  2. Serin
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    Serin Game Moderator Staff Member Game Moderator

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    I don’t really like to categorize people into online/offline friends. As you said, we are all real people behind the screen (faking identities or not) and I feel like you’re splitting what is acceptable/not in your own accords which makes it difficult for people you want to get closer(?) to, like “oh this person doesn’t really want to become closer -friendship- with me because they’ve never asked about me outside of the game” or whatnot. I will assume even if the close friends you described wanted to contact you before they left, wasn’t able to contact you because none of you had each others’ contacts or just missed the timing to ask for it.

    I personally like to think of it as long-distance friends. People are more accepting of the online society these days compared to back then so it’s completely fine to treat and talk about “online” friends the same as you would as someone you met on a trip abroad from a youth hostel or whatnot. (Getting their FB/Insta/whatever)

    So instead of worrying how you might come off “online” to people by asking them for their other contact info —heck, there’s Messengers/Instagram and other SNS that people would probably be more than willing to share with you if you become the intimate level of relationship you’ve described in your post.

    Just do + treat any of your friends online/offline how you would in any normal situation and you’ll be fine.

    I’ve been playing MapleStory since I was 8 years old (and a bunch of other online games) and have met so many friends online, that still play with me till this day (cough TaidaTaida) and we haven’t always been in contact like 100%, but when you like similar things/get along and just leave at least one sort of system of connection (a messenger app, community group, or just an email!) then one day either you can, or said friend(s) will contact you when they remember the memories you shared together :0!

    Tbh the online world is a smaller world than you think if you have a specific preference (one certain type of game/genre/etc.) I think you will meet at least one of your friends one day because it’s hard to forget a friendship; they’ll be like “oh I remember _____, I wonder how they’re doing?!” And either google your or come back or whatnot.

    So don’t feel too down!

    Tbh I suck at giving advice and making anyone feel better cause I’m a mess myself when it comes to relationships in general, but as someone who has kept several online friendships for at least 13 years (and ongoing), I can tell you that unless you take initiative yourself first of asking your online friends for more contact info about themselves (in the friendly way, not creepy xD) when the “time” comes (you start to get closer, need to plan for whatever grind/leech/training party) then most likely you will just stay as a particular “game friend” or “Maple friend” to them.

    Of course, unless they ask you first, but it just depends on how much you’re willing to share with your friend(s) and vice versa.

    Anyways, long post e.e oops. Sorry to hear about your losses but I hope you’re lucky enough to meet them again one day or find them somewhere else!
     
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  3. nubjulez
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    nubjulez Skelegon Retired Staff

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    I read the whole thing and i can honestly say ive had those same sentiments. However, they have also made me realize that the thing that seperates "virtual" and "real life" friends is the fact that virtual ones can, and definitely will, disappear. Theres no physical way to keep the contact. You can trust them, love them, be extremely happy when you spend time with them but you cant truely experience who they are. The moment their real life, which definitely has more importance than their virtual one, becomes overwhelming (either in a positive light or negative one) their online life will always take the back seat.

    And for those who play because theyre lonely, bored, depressed, or just have nothing else going on in their lives... they play the game and have those online relationships to escape real life. If their real lives get better, then they dont have a use for a virtual one anymore..

    I know a lot of people will probably disagree with me but there is always a sort of detachment to a virtual friendship/life that you simply dont experience in your real one
     
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  4. Serin
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    Serin Game Moderator Staff Member Game Moderator

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    I do agree with you, and that most likely “virtual friends” will one day have the possibility to disappear, but I feel like it’s the same with real friends too.

    I guess I can separate it into something like “best friends”, “friends/other”

    Technically if you’re at the best friend level with anyone be-it online/offline then those are your #1 go-to people and you’ll probably know more about them and they’d know more about them than any “friends”.

    I agree there is a higher possibility of losing contact with an online best friend due to communication blockage or whatnot but I think that it’s the same as if your best friend gets married/gets a kid/becomes busy/working/moves somewhere else then they are also cut out of your life just like that. Not only this, but I feel (most) people who you meet online are/tend to be more honest about themselves (when you get to the intimate level) because they have a screen to hide behind if necessay for the little courage. (Also for the reasons you’ve described above)

    We can’t forget people who get more closer with their online friends usually end up meeting IRL if everything goes peachy too :3

    Friends/others are just nice in general to chat/hang out/relax with but as they’re not the people we get too disappointed at or for when a plan or meeting gets canceled or pushed back; nor do we start craving for them the way we would a best friend if they were to be gone.

    This is all just my personal opinion too though, I guess relationships really depend on the standards and type of person/people we are and meet. :/

    Really sorry to the people who’ve had bad relationships with people be-it online/offline. Life is too cruel sometimes. :/
     
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  5. Hyoon
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    Hyoon Game Moderator Staff Member Game Moderator

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    I can relate where all my GMS friends were online, since they lived way too far away.
    I tried getting my friends to play, but none of them took interest to it.
    However I believe we shared a tight knit bond together, since as a group we would always try out games together and talk as a group online.

    I was lucky enough to find myself among friends on legends that lived in my area and had the pleasure of meeting them.
    JoyJoy deribouderibou itzjaackyitzjaacky JayChouJayChou STRQNKSTRQNK
    I think the bond is mainly because we used to play soo much together and shared a common interest, this could easily exceed the amount of time I would see my friends or hang out with them since I would be online at home most of the time.

    I also think that it's natural to put what's most important first about others.
    Such as family matters over online family, real life matters over online matters etc.
    Though this may happen a lot, I still talk to GMS friends that I've met from over 12 years ago.
    So if you want to make the friendship last then just put in a bit of effort tbh.
     
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  6. OP
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    FeroxAnima
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    FeroxAnima Red Snail

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    First of all, thank you both so much for reading this, I honestly didn't believe anyone actually would. XD I really appreciate it. <3

    As an attempt to do something with myself while this recent experience finally degrades to the status of "just another sad memory of the past", I wrote detailed responses X'D It's okay if you don't feel like reading them, I'm terrible when it comes to summarizing my thoughts so this is long.

    As for the categorization into offline and online friends - I hate it as well; I only look at it in a factual sort of way (i.e I can't really drink beer with "online friends" unless we catch a plane and meet xD) and, in the specific case of this post's subject - this Disapparition from my life - is one that had never yet been executed on me by a friend I've met in a face-to-face sort of situation. So while I see both "categories" as my friends just the same, I can't entirely disregard the fact that there is this one, physical difference between them (which doesn't have to get in the way of anything but still does exist).

    As for me being mistaken for not exchanging contact information with them - you're absolutely right... I say that with my whole heart after beating myself up about the 2nd paragraph of the "memories" section in the OP over the past 5 years or so. You'd think I'd have learned, but... now, in this most recent occurrence, I took my time and now she's gone, so apparently I didn't.
    But about them being unable to say goodbye due to lack of contact info... I think when they left without saying goodbye, they were all making this decision with the knowledge that I won't be able to contact them, and yet still made it. Basically, if we've been consistently meeting in the same fashion for such a long period of time, you'd think that if they wanted to contact me before they left, they'd know just how to do so.
    If they ever wanted to contact me again after we've already left the game, however, then yes... I threw that possibility into a volcano when I didn't ask them for their contact information before it was too late. I know that and it's the kind of stuff I've been crying myself to sleep for, on occasion, and I mean that as literally as it gets. XD

    As for the chance we'd run into eachother elsewhere - me and those friends shared mostly personal thoughts, humour and happy moments together, while hobbywise we were mostly linked by MS (and a few other things but they were mostly general things - think "anime", for instance; there's such a wide crowd for those kinds of things that the chance we'd meet solely based on such a preference is tiny and, in practice, didn't happen after all these years). In addition, their IGNs were exclusively their Maple IGNs, so I just kind of lost hope (even though I still do try to look them up occasionally to this day, to be honest XD).
    I do believe that the friends I've described in the OP are truly lost to me in quite the final way, after years of fruitless searching. The one who quit yesterday should still be able to find me pretty easily, should she choose to do so; but I suppose past experience had left me pretty pessimistic about this kind of thing and I assume that if she made the choice to leave that way, she probably isn't coming back for me.

    I'd like to note that a part in your post that touched me deeply was the one in which you noted I should stop worrying about asking for a way to keep in touch (as long as it's not done in a creepy way XD) - it... really is very encouraging to hear that being said by an outside source, rather than simply by my shaken, sad, tear-soaked mind as it attempts to keep itself looking alive, lol.
    I do hope that I will manage to take your advice to heart the next time I meet someone online and get as close to them as I did with those friends. If I do then you'd have basically given these relationships the power to live and for that I'll be forever grateful.

    I feel every word here and you're totally right... In many moments I just kind of wanted to stop letting myself get attached to online-met friends in the first place to prevent this unnecessary suffering (so much easier said than done though, LOL). But... the thing that keeps me hopeful (and, as a result, vulnerable) is that with some of those online friends, and especially one in particular, I've made the transition from someone I only talk to in-game to someone I also talk to on social networks, and then from that to someone I meet in person (even though we live in different countries) and talk about the most personal of things, all the while being there for them (and them being there for me) even during the darkest and most depressing of times. I know about her relationship trouble, about her family issues, about her anxiety in regards to the future, about her health problems; and she knows about mine. She's touched me to the point of tears several times, and I her. She's told me several times that she felt like I'd always be there, no matter what others say or think - and I feel the same about her, after all these years.
    That said, I've felt on my flesh this certain unshakable detachment that you describe and have been burned by it many times... But these few specific incredible experiences I've had with those few special friends have engraved just enough hope into my heart to keep me going when it comes to online-based relationships.
    But...
    Is so true, so harsh, and hits so close to home.
    I've shed so many tears due to that fact and if it wasn't for this specific experience I've detailed here, I probably would have given up long ago on maintaining the same kind of relationships with online-met friends that I do with face-to-face ones, but just this one experience is enough to make me wanna fight it; disprove it. Makes me want to take an online friend, convince them I care about them in a way that far crosses the borders of a game or the internet, and get them to open up to the possibility of caring about an online-met friend in that same sort of way. It's obviously a masochistic recipe for self-harm, but... after all these years of beating myself up over the knowledge that I could maybe, just maybe, salvage these relationships if I had gathered the courage to keep in touch before it was too late - I can't help but feel like I need this corrective experience in which such a thing has a happy ending. XD

    Just wanna state that I cried a bit as I typed this, haha. While I talk about hope and the will to make these relationships succeed, I still can't ignore the knowledge that each of these friends had made a choice to let our friendship die. To be perfectly honest, nubjuleznubjulez is spot on. I wanna fight this fact but that's how it is.


    Edit:
    I would give so much to make some of those friendships last, but once they've quit before we could exchange any external contact information, it's too late :') I wish I could talk to them, but the issue at this point is not one of motivation - it's a matter of physically getting in touch, which I simply cannot do because I lacked the courage to ask for a way to do so beforehand. It's not simply a matter of putting in effort, but a matter of putting in effort before it's too late. Which I failed to do, repeatedly. I hope that makes sense.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
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  7. Chow
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    Chow Mixed Golem

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    (Sorry if this post is a slightly unorganised mess but,
    I'm very outspoken about topics like this and because of me being openminded I tend to go on a rant really quickly when there's stuff
    I feel I need to get off my chest to make myself feel at ease).


    Okay I'll be honest, first and foremost before I get my thoughts out there I want to mention I spend roughly 30 minutes contemplating and getting my mind right about whether or not I wanted to actually reply to all this aside from just reading through everything.
    But I realised very quickly, that maybe my point of view and some (short versions) experiences I've had could somehow be of help or give you an idea of how you could deal with what you're going through a bit better.

    With that out of the way, Respect for taking the time to put your thoughts out there. Whether this is a forum or not it's not that common for people to do so because everyone's at least a little bit afraid of being judged nowadays (admit or not, either way is fine).

    Everyone has a slightly different perspective when it comes to what takes priority/what's important at whatever point they're at in life, but whether you're the priority or not at said point I just want to tell you that you should try to call upon perspective and appreciate the time you spend with whoever ended up stepping in/out of your life. There's most likely a very good reason why they did it (even if you don't know the details always try to keep it in mind).

    Me personally, I'm nowhere near perfect and never intend to be, in the sense that maybe I, for one care too much about other people and their well-being to the point I get easily upset when I can't help two people get along especially when I consider both friends or at least respectable people regardless of differences in interests.

    I've had to deal with a bunch of experiences regarding people whom I loved or cared about that for whatever reason had to "leave" me, sometimes even without giving me any form of heads up. Whether it was because of drama, depression, general life struggles or sadly even suicide.
    I'll admit like anyone else these things hurt you very badly in the heat of the moment and even afterwards if it's hard to let go of certain memories, But as I went through these things I got less and less affected negatively because I had learned how to deal with situations.
    I became mentally strong, At least that's my personal opinion (which is the most important opinion, what you think of yourself).

    To give everyone a bit of an example, I'll try my best to give an example of 2 things I went through that in the past had messed me up emotionally at first but ended up learning from big time later on when I started being able to collect my thoughts easier while becoming an overall more positive individual.

    About two years or so prior to joining MapleLegends I broke up with a girl I had met through the beginning of an old MS private server's creation that ended up becoming very populair down the road, for the sake of me not writing a BOOK I'll leave the name and further details of the server out of the picture.
    The girl and I met randomly after I interrupted her and a friend during some conversation by being goofy and repeating what they were saying. Within a matter of minutes I was invited to her guild that marked the start of a great friendship that ended up turning into a relationship about 1,5 year later (Funny enough during our daily chats, we found out we lived in the same country, not even 2 hours away from eachother). It was my very first, and if anything I loved that girl to pieces even before that. We slowly started visiting eachother more 'n more and the time we spend together was amazing..
    But after about half a year my 18th birthday hit, at which the turning point came where I started realising that I was so "madly" in love with a girl that I became too nice and supportive to a point I wasn't behaving like my actual self anymore, part of this was my own fault and part of it had to do with my girlfriend at the time very easily never being satisfied with what she had to a point where she felt like I had to change into something you could call what you see in movies. Obviously you can tell this didn't end well, if anything for the rest of our relationship although I didn't want to give up my feelings for her easily I felt like a broken man because I wasn't myself anymore and the guy the wanted was a person I couldn't become because I knew it wasn't who i wanted to be. Fast forward a year later she ended up breaking up with me after a buck load of drama that kept on occuring. things which I tried to avoid because I was never able to fix the problems in her eyes, while she on the other hand was always trying to start something because of something she felt was lacking. To end this one off, Let me just say this was one of the hardest things I had to deal with because we had shared so much with eachother and it was the very first time I felt like I had experienced actual love but also what a relationship is about, whether it be as friends or "loved ones" (w/e you wanna call it).

    Roughly half a year later I started playing a game I was introduced to by irl friends who quickly stopped playing because of life taking over, which was called Dragon Nest. Here I met a girl whom I still have added on some social media like FB (admittedly I'm rarely on it nowadays lol). Anyways we were both very shy at first but got along very well even though she was a couple years older than me and married at the time. We played/grinded and crafting items, did raids etc as you do just like on Maplestory, but it got to a point where we spend countless hours even chatting on skype and such while playing several other games together. We had lots of conversation, about random goofy stuff but also about personal issues and life in general. I really looked up to her and respected her because even though she didn't realise it at the time she made me learn a lot more about myself through experiences we shared with eachother. She also had some sort of extreme version of social anxiety (i'm sorry I can't recall what it's called exactly), sadly after about 12 years of being together and married to her man 6 months after meeting me she got progressively more depressed but also very sick during a time she and her husband were going through a rough time, in which I always tried to and was there to support her with everything she was going through like I felt I should. About 5 months before I joined almost all contact I had with her was cut off due to the fact she was in the hospital a lot or at home while she was also in the process of getting a divorce. After a few months of waiting she finally had an operation done on her throat after which she fully recovered and was finally starting to move on from her past relationship. Sadly during this busy period of time it kind of marked the end of the friendship we had at the time because she was moving on while trying to meet people, or at least that's what I was thinking. I reached out to her several times but even though we did chat for a bit at times it wasn't the same anymore. Fastforward about a month? ish before I joined ML, I opened Facebook on my phone and to my surprise a huge smile came on my face, she had met someone else who she started dating! I loved her dearly but as a very good friend even though we no longer spoke much, I had shared so much with her that after everything she went through I wished her nothing but the very best, so seeing that made me happier than she would've ever known.

    Once again my apologies for anyone that actually took the time to read through all this, I know it took a while to read.. trust me especially to write.

    But these 2 experiences I went through are just examples of everything that shaped me into the person I am today, and through all the good but most importantly bad times I appreciate everything I went through equally because it gave me a vision and better perspective on life, instead of overthinking stuff a lot leading to depression and all the bad things that come with it.

    Amazing memories are wonderful to remember but I would never neglect the bad ones either,
    heck if anything that way you might even figure out what you could be better at next time around!

    I guess all I wanted to really tell you all through my stories and point of view is that everyone should try to take pride in their issues and perhaps call upon the power of perspective, and maybe even celebrate that your issues are yours.. and they're not worse :).

    ~Try to turn as many negatives into one big positive and trust me your time will come where you'll meet a bunch of new and wonderful people!
     
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  8. Dastardy
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    Dastardy Red Snail

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    2
    Jul 19, 2017
    Female
    Klang
    3:48 AM
    Dastardy
    I/L Wizard
    52
    QUEST
    Interesting opinions and experiences! There is so much life and love in this and so many different perspective that I feel I am living all your experience and feel all the pain/love that you feel but being a dinosaur and with one foot on the grave, I think whether its virtual or physical world, everything has a life span. For example if we do have virtual pets and real pets they both have a lifespan. Probably the virtual pets have forever as long as you wanna play with it. The same goes for friends at the virtual world. They all have a lifespan too. Some just exit early. Like when you lost a friend or a love one to death ... you just lost them.
    My two cents here is to tell everyone to appreciate whatever you have, love those who have walked with you or cross swords with you .. even if its for a short moment, for they colour your life! When they are gone ... they will be gone and if they emerged again in your life ... well ..when they emerged again then treat it like fresh and brand new!!!!
     
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  9. Krauser94
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    Krauser94 Mixed Golem

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    Nov 6, 2016
    Male
    8:48 PM
    Krauser94
    Shadower
    160
    Nebula
    (Ok, first of all, im at work, so i read everything, having to stop a few times, but i managed to do it. So sorry if my answer is shittier than expected, but i need to, at least, write something here, even if it takes me a while to drop something.)

    I totally understand the way you feel, and mostly because this server is my first time having a deep online interaction with people. It sounds weird for a 23 years old guy nowadays, but hey, never is too late.

    Now i'm going to put some of my BG story, so feel free to read if you want too.

    This was because everytime i started an Online game, it was with irl friends, so i was used to stick just to them, not doing much more interaction with other people because we barely had time. That was how we started Maplestory long ago, playing together only on weekends doing quests or random stuff it was fun, so i never considered having random talks with other people more than "hi *press F2* ".

    After so many years of random online games from time to time, (but mostly single player) i decided to convince those same friends to revive the nostalgia and play together a private server, since we were finishing studies at the university and they were living in another town due to that.

    At first it was the same, just us talking, taking quests, killing mobs. All the same. No change. But then they suddenly got busier, but strangely enough, i was more free to play. So in my head i was like "np, i gotchu guys, when i log i will gather the items for our quests, so we can complete them and continue moving". That sums up my first weeks here, doing quests not only for me, but for my friends too. It was fun, i'm one of those weirdos that love quests, so i was totally fine with it.

    But suddenly one day i decided to enter FM, that place i never went back in the days due to the spam and the prices. I never needed to buy anything, but this time i was like "let's check this place again". So there i was, on a totally less crowded FM, where almost everyone was afk, or chatting on the upper part of the map. There were not too many rooms so i was like "oh i can do this easily everyday" and thats how i started going FM. Everything was fine until one day, you meet a random person, that person invites you to a guild (i obviusly asked to put my friends too), and that changes your life completely. I'm not going to expand this last part more because i already said it on my "welcome thread" long ago.

    It was weird to have people saying me "wb!" everytime i logged, and mostly when i had no idea who they were (this is fun because i became the master spammer of "wb!" in my Alliance), but it was really nice at the same time. At first i was shy, but then i started talking to guildies and Allies, and asking them questions about themselves. I still used to do stuff with my irl friends, so i didnt noticed too much, but then one day, they officially quitted the game, and i was here left alone, so instead of quitting too as always, for once i said "why not stay a little longer?". That was the best decission i ever made, because more than a year ago i'm still here with no regrets. Later on i noticed i was not alone. Not even close. And i call this a win-win, because my IRL friends are still there, i just, expanded my world with no loses.

    During all this time here i met people. With some of them i got closer than the others, people that i really love and care about and that i've never seen in my whole life face to face, and even when i still talk to a lot of them, i have also seen some of them vanish without saying goodbye at all. I totally understand you and how you feel, because i can't lie, i cried when a close friend here just vanished.

    Even when we can separate this kind of friendship from the IRL ones, for obvious reasons, we can't fight the fact that we are humans. A lose is a lose. You can recover sooner or later, but you need to do it. Obviously, Online loses seem easier to recover from. You just go inactive, never answer again and done. Easy right? But for people like you (and me) that we get attached to other people, that's something we don't think as an option, and that hurts a lot when it happens.

    We can't refuse the fact that Real Life takes place though, and all of us had to slightly vanish at some point to do other things. But that doesn't mean that we want to lose other people here.

    What i try to say (or i hope to say with this shitty post) is that i totally understand you with your lose, and that you need to face it to get better. Writting it here is a good option because there is no better way to let some things out than telling them to a bunch of randoms online to see that you aren't alone. It was a really nice text to read.

    P.S: Fucking timezones, annoying af.
     
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  10. OP
    OP
    FeroxAnima
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    FeroxAnima Red Snail

    5
    8
    2
    Dec 29, 2017
    Male
    9:48 PM
    Zelretch
    Priest
    90
    BAKED
    I felt bad for the previous long reply because I'm afraid those I replied to might feel burdened to read it; and I really don't want that. I just want you guys all to know that I appreciate each and every comment here so much - for the insight, for the sharing, for everything. So I'll keep this one pretty short to make sure nobody feels any sort of burden XD I'm really grateful you guys all presented your thoughts to me like you did and they're all very precious to me.

    You're right - I definitely don't want to forget those memories, even though their endings each had me in pieces for a while (with the last one still being very fresh and painful). The times I did spend with those friends are invaluable to me and I wouldn't ever give them up.
    Thanks a lot for sharing <3


    :') Definitely. I love (present tense) each of those friends and always will for those moments we did share, even though there's a speck(s(sSSSSSSSs)) of sorrow mixed with each of them, and even though we'd be mostly strangers if we ran into at this point. Those memories are all so dear to me, and those memories mean nothing without the ones that enabled me to experience them in the first place.
    Thank you <3

    This really made me feel a lot better. I'm sorry to hear about the friends you've lost, as well, and thank you for this comment. It is really touching and I just read it like 4 times in a row; it feels like a breath of fresh air to run my eyes through it. XD
    Also, this:
    made me feel really warm; it's a sad quote, but it really drives home the point that you know what I'm going through, which is a really comforting thing to feel.
    Also:
    So. Much. XD

    Thanks, every single one of you who replied in here. It's really comforting to know so many other people understand this feeling and it's definitely gonna help me get through this. Lots of love. :heart:
     
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  11. OP
    OP
    FeroxAnima
    Offline

    FeroxAnima Red Snail

    5
    8
    2
    Dec 29, 2017
    Male
    9:48 PM
    Zelretch
    Priest
    90
    BAKED
    Quick update FoxXD I managed to have a single exchange of messages with that last friend. It's a complicated matter and I write this with tears in my eyes (nothing new at this point, LOL) but I did get my closure, this time around. She gave me the chance to wrap this one memory up nicely before adding it to the rest, at least, which is... huge to me.
    :heart: :')
     
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