ML NPCs Ranked By How Good They Are At Their Jobs

Nobody’s talking about the gross incompetence that’s taking over the Maple world. The server’s preoccupation with grinding and bossing and scrolling gear has distracted us from an issue that affects everyone’s gameplay: the erosion of standards of competence and decency among the Maple world’s NPCs. In order to restore a sense of order and honor around this place, I’m going to name some names: which NPCs are simply not pulling their weight, as well as those who are a shining example for the bad NPCs to look toward for inspiration as they try to better themselves. Let the shaming commence:

Worst NPCs in Maplelegends (from least worst to most worst)

10. GLIBBER



Glibber had a good plan, which is why he almost dodged the list. He posted up in an area of El Nath that was far from town to peddle potions and pizzas. Decent strat. Glibber’s problem is that gameplay has changed since beta and nobody considers Ice Valley II that far into El Nath anymore. Sure, when it took forever to hit level 30 and it took you and eleven friends ten minutes to take down a single Yeti, you’d need to hit up the Glibster for some more white pots and Mokbis. But now my guy has to post up way further out, closer to zak, to be effective at all. Sure supply lines will be harder to maintain out there but you can charge a premium for that! You’re getting no foot traffic where you are, Glibby. You gotta adapt to the times or your business is going to sink.

9. NOLBU



OK Nolbu is not bad at his job per se, but he does get wrecked by a gourd that spawns on his roof, which is hilarious and he deserves to be mocked for it.

8. GHOSTHUNTER BOB



Should be hunting ghosts. It’s in his title. Instead, eats burgers and gets you to hunt ghosts. I’m not even positive that that’s a ghost hunting device that he’s got. Looks more like a vacuum cleaner. Sloppy work from Bob.

7. CARSON AND MAED



These two cats claim to be in some massive blood feud but they’re not smart enough to figure out that the intrepid Mapler offering to help them with all of their weird tasks is just two-timing them and has absolutely no sense of loyalty whatsoever. Sorry guys, if you’re going to be in a blood feud you need a little bit of street smarts. Just because someone is wearing your cape doesn’t mean they’re your friend. Cool hideouts, though.

6. IRENE



Irene is actually not terrible at her job, she’s just part of an economic structure that’s morally indefensible. RIGHT DOWN THE STREET there is the indefatigable Spinel, who can transport you to five different locations, instantaneously, for only 3,000 mesos. Irene (and her co-conspirator, that scraggly pilot) can only move you to one location, and you gotta wait around for the plane, and she charges you 20,000 mesos! Where does she get the gall?

5. WIZ THE LIBRARIAN



I’ve worked in a library. Books go missing. It happens. But you have to follow up. Wiz pretty much knows where these books are. His library is right next to Korean Folk Town, which is full of people just sitting on books, waiting to give them to whatever traveler is willing to break open the gourd on their roof or walk some stacks of rice across town. Wiz can take five minutes out of his busy day of standing still and looking like an old leather chair to visit his own backyard and get his books back. He does not need every level 37 character in MapleLegends on the case. Sheesh.


4. TEMPLE KEEPER



What, exactly, is she keeping? That temple is FILLED with all sorts of scary monsters that I do not like one bit and she’s like “oh good thing you’re here to take care of these bad boys for me,” as if she had absolutely no plan whatsoever to take care of the issue herself. This is like Temple Keeping 101: Don’t let a hoard of evil monsters in the temple. Jeez.


3. MR. WETBOTTOM



Mr. Wetbottom has two issues. One, the VIP Sauna that he runs does not offer any snacks/potions, making it essentially inferior to the Regular Sauna. (Those extra HP gains are basically meaningless and, unless Wetbottom is dishing out some rejuvenating face masks, I’m not going to approve his price point.) But even more problematically, but he has another job: being a father to poor Ronnie. This man’s son has run away from home with his dad’s naughty magazine, and this dude is all “get my magazine back please,” making no mention of his son whatsoever. What is this neglect, you filthy old man?


2. TIGUN THE ADVISOR



Tigun, is this a joke? First of all, you’re not advising anyone. You’re standing outside the palace. The king and the queen are inside the palace. How do you expect to advise them out there? Second, you’re letting randos in there for a cheap 1k bribe? What’s that cash going to get you, six and a quarter orange pots? Travel to Sleepywood and afford one exorbitant sauna visit? OK Tigun.

1. THE MESORANGERS AS A COLLECTIVE



So aliens descend on Omega Sector and threaten Ludibrium (and by extension the concept of time as we know it) and the Mesorangers are like “dang, we can’t touch these guys. How about we trust this random level 40 character and his maple bow to handle our top-secret documents and blueprints and take out these aliens that threaten the safety of the known universe?” Neglect on an institutional scale, and then they act all hot and bothered, blaming YOU when it goes wrong. Their fault, not yours. Absolutely no oversight. No accountability. The Mesorangers are garbage.

Best NPCs in Maplelegends, from Least Best to Most Best

10. JEFF, THE DUNGEON GUIDE



Why give such a bad spot to Glibber and a good spot to Jeff when they sit right next to each other? Simple. Jeff doesn’t sink money into buying inventory because he made up his job. Most areas in Maplelegends don’t have level minimums. You can walk straight into Skeles at level 10 if you want. But Jeff decided to make up some rule that you have to be level 50 to get past him to fight… miner zombies? Word. Jeff found an opportunity to seize some arbitrary power and he took it at no cost to him. Brilliant move.

9. MOOSE



What’s Moose’s job? I’m not sure. But I love his attitude.

8. KENTA



Look. A pig, a yeti, and a Jr. Balrog might not look all-that scary to you leet players who’ve hacked the meta or whatever it is you nerds are up to. But for lil ol’ Kenta, keeping those guys in the zoo where they can’t wreak havoc on the rest of Aqua Road is pretty impressive. Solid work.

7. SPINEL



It’s hard to overstate how brilliant Spinel is. She offers instant, low-cost travel to Maplers and is somehow in dozens of locations at once. Sure, her descriptions of each place are way too long and not all the places she sends you are super useful, but she gets a good place on the list regardless. Everyone knows that efficient public transportation is a cornerstone of democratic society, and Spinel provides.

6. OLAF



Everyone likes Olaf. Olaf just hangs out in Lith Harbor and gives new players advice and some free stuff and EXP. Solid dude doing the work out of the goodness of his heart to take the weakest among us and improve their lot in life. Can’t say no to that groovy helmet, either.

5. NELLA



Nella is on the Good List because she’s in the rough-and-tumble world of Kerning City. Normally I’d dock points for trying to pass herself off as a community organizer while making a profit off deficiencies of neighbors, but let’s be honest: life in Kerning is a hustle and Nella is up there with the best of them. She just takes a commission, tells you to gather some whacky stuff, and connects you with rewards. Easy peasy. If you’re wondering, yes: Nella is morally different from Irene, even though Nella doesn’t actually create much in the way of value while taking a profit. Irene works for a large corporation (Singapore Airlines) and is complicit in an exploitative business model that stratifies income as most of that profit trickles upward — the CEO of Singapore Airlines made $4.2m last year (how that converts to Mesos is unclear, maybe Irene is also involved in a little bit of RWT????). But Nella’s just supporting herself.

4. ALCASTER



Alcaster is living the academic dream. Sure, he misplaced a super-powerful ancient book, but who hasn’t done that? He’s still doing all of his dope magic stuff while maintaining a productive side-hustle selling summoning rocks and all-cures and all that. Sure, his business model would be more sustainable if he would sell to anyone, not just people who finish his hilariously long quest, but it’s 2020, man. You can’t trust just anyone these days (see the Mesorangers), so you might as well use some wild goose chase to figure out who’s worth letting in on your scheme.


3. ROLY-POLYS AS A COLLECTIVE



This is the model the Mesorangers need to follow. The Roly-Polys, while they don’t deal with monsters that are quite as strong as the ones in Omega Sector, are responsible for the maintenance of a free-standing, 100-story tower and they do it in isolation. Sure, Roly-Poly 10 has a bad attitude (maybe his proximity to the Omega Sector and the Mesorangers has something to do with this), but 1/10 isn’t a bad ratio for such demanding work. The Roly-Polys should unionize to ensure that Mac the Mechanic is giving them the mental health benefits that they need so that more of them don’t end up going down that dark road.

2. ATHENA PIERCE



I almost included an entry for “The Job Instructors As A Collective,” because we do all benefit from their teaching and wisdom. But…. Athena Pierce is special. Not only does she advise the Noble Class of Archers, she also (sort of implausibly from a timeline perspective but we’ll let it go because more absurd things have happened — see the chipmunk(?) named Moose) was around at the very origins of the Maple world and led the first Maplers (including future job instructors) through the taming of this wilderness. Huge props to Athena’s leadership skills; we wouldn’t be here without her.

1. ADOBIS



Adobis is the best NPC in this game and he is my best friend in the whole wide world. He has to stand ALL THE WAY OUT THERE IN THE SCARY LAVA with nobody to keep him company and he NEVER COMPLAINS. Never gets to see his family, just does the important work of shepherding brave adventurers into Zakum’s shrine. Amon, his partner, at least gets to watch some gnarly battles while Adobis sits outside all by himself. When we’re getting people to sign for Zak, everyone’s always saying “click the NPC.” His name is Adobis. Show some respect. Ask him about his hobbies. He's a friendly dude once you get to know him, but few ever do. Does he complain? Not once.

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Thank you for reading my list. Hopefully this will restore a sense of decency among our NPCs (and encourage Maplers to show Adobis a lil more love).

R> Homies

 

i'm going to have to do installments or something. with an emphasis on the kookier stuff (zenumist/alcando especially, that stuff is bananas)

dang you're RIGHT. such a good call on the rememberer. honorable mention.